T-minus 12 days! We are in the final stages of wrapping up our suburban life to hit the open road. Typing twelve days made me a bit sick to my stomach. I am not nervous about the actual trip itself but for the amount of work that still has to be done. We have had a to do list since making this decision in April. The problem with this list, is that every time I cross off an accomplishment, two more are added. The list consists of three subgroups: Camper & Truck Upgrades and Modifications, House & Yard Packing and Projects, and The Plan of which we will take once we are in the road. Between the neverending honey do list, my everyday work, and the girls being out of school, I am one crazy lady. Once we are settled into the camper, I refuse to have a list of things to do for at least a month! After we move out of the house, we are going to hang out at a local campground for a week and half to get organized, settled, and figure out our next steps.
There are many things that I refuse to put on my list until we head north, like our education plans. I can’t imagine staring at that nasty word that I have often refused to speak aloud. A word that has made me giggle and slightly judge others who have mentioned it with excitement and wonder. Home schooling. Ugh. Why am I so judgemental? I’ll follow up my question with another question. Why would people do this when we have a fantastic school in our town? We chose our house because of the great schools our children would be attending. I love when they girls are home for Christmas break, spring break, and summer vacation, but in order for us to embark on a year long journey, we need to homeschool. So, I need to suck it up and find a way to do this. In all honesty, I am more nervous about screwing up.
- How will I handle homeschooling the girls?
- Will they adjust well to it?
- Once we are home, will they want to go back to public school?
- What if I don’t teach them enough?
- What if I don’t understand my soon to be sixth graders work?
I’m sure all questions will be answered in time. All I know for sure, is that this hot mess mom, right here, is about to embark on homeschooling. I will start thinking about programs and schedules and curriculums in August, but until then I will focus on anything and everything else.
Another thing that has been left off of the list would be my workout schedule. Since summer break has begun, I have slacked big time at the gym, eating healthy, and getting a good night’s rest. I have been on Weight Watchers since January 2017 and have lost between 45- 50 lbs, depending on the day. I have spent the last six months, running races and enjoying new exercise classes with friends. This has been my constant subject of worry. If you know me, you know the reason I run, walk, and workout is to help my anxiety.
- Can I maintain my weight and healthy lifestyle while on the road?
- Can I continue to exercise and workout daily (3-5 days a week) while on the road?
- Will I feel comfortable running/ walking in areas that I am not familiar with?
- How will my anxiety be when we are spontaneously driving to a new city without an exact plan in place?
Although I have tried not to think too much about this and cause my anxiety to sky rocket, I have kept a few ideas in the back of my mind. Hopefully with a more open schedule, I will be able to plan meals and cook more frequently. I am not going to plan on running any races that are longer than a 10k, maybe even a 5k. I have registered for two races so far, one in Jacksonville, FL for Thanksgiving and the other is in Key West! Yoga can be done inside although space may be limited, but I’m sure we can squeeze a mat in by the sink. Recently I saw travelable TRX straps that can be purchased on Amazon and secured to the truck door. This may be more hilarious for neighboring campsites though.
The last thing I have been trying not to think too much about is how much life will change. This isn’t a to do item. There is nothing that I can do about how lives will change. Our life is about to change drastically. We will have each other, but we will no longer be surrounded by our family and friends. No more date nights. No more walks with my walking buddy. No more Hot Mess Mom meetings. We will grow and learn and see new things every day. Next summer when we return home is what I worry most about. We have moved several times, and it never fails that friendshsips change and not all will last through distance and time. It’s inevitable. This by far breaks my heart, but such is life. With time, everyone and everything changes. I know we will change, our friends and family will change, the landscape around our town will change.
- Will our close friendships be affected negatively by this trip?
- Will friends move away, move on, and forget about us?
- How will we, as a family, change and grow?
- Will we want to come back to suburban life or continue traveling?
I have done my best to keep it together and try not to overthink these stressful subjects, but I am by far from perfect. The process of moving is stressful, this process is overwhelming to say the least. A few weeks ago, I broke down and cried. I was sitting in my daughter’s preschool parking lot, crying, for many reasons. It was her last day as a preschooler at her amazing school. Two years ago, we were welcomed into this close knit group with open arms and warm hearts. I have made several amazing friends, all of whom have taught me to relax, enjoy being a hot mess, and that it’s okay to be the world’s okayest mom. I cried because we were leaving in a few weeks, and everything was going to change. I cried for how much I still had to do that day and how exhausted I was. That day was a hard day. It also happened to be the anniversary of my father in law passing away. My mind was scattered from over thinking that I was forgetting simple things that I was suppose to do or grab at the store. By the end of the day, I knew everything would work out. Our adventure will be memorable and amazing. My friends will still be here, even when I return, whether they like it or not. My father in law will be missed but also celebrated for the things he brought into our lives. Sometimes you have to take a break from everything, a “Sarrah Holiday,” as I call it. It didn’t happen that day, but it did eventually happen, and it was beautiful.
What I have learned since that day, is that it wasn’t going to get any easier. Harder in fact! Have I handled it any better? Hahahahaha! Nope. Everything that needs to be done will be completed. Things that aren’t as important can be done from the road. Other items have been erased and forgotten about. As my husband says, “everything will work out, one way or another.”